A week ago today we delivered, held and let go of our beautiful gift, Colton Michael. It's seems like just yesterday and at the same time so long ago. The week has been filled with tears and laughter, family and friends, prayers and hugs. Each day is very different. My body is returning to its form before Colton so fast. It's a bizarre feeling to see the proof of my pregnancy disappear and yet truly miraculous how quickly we can recover. Another reminder of how life is such a miracle.
Corey and I continue to mourn and grieve. The mornings and evening's seem to be the worst times. Last night I just wanted to hold him again so badly. But I am constantly reminded that he is held and so loved. I think the hardest part is knowing that, although we will be with him again one day, I won't have the opportunity to hold him as a tiny baby. To feed him or change him or watch him grow into his father. That joy of taking care of a being was taken too quickly. Corey mentioned that he would guess every parent feels like the growth of their child happens entirely too quickly. And when we do meet again I know it will be even more perfect and fulfilling than I could ever imagine. I don't know exactly how but I believe it.
The funeral was so hard and yet so beautiful. We were reminded that not only does God mourn with us but he has the power to do something about it and he did. It's because of that hope we can press forward with every day and see the beauty and the miracle that Colton's short life was.
Thank you all for your comments and prayers and sympathy. Just knowing that we are thought of and loved is overwhelming. And your prayers are truly felt and so appreciated.
I think that might be why I have such a hard time when I go see a movie that details the life of a boy and what he did growing up (like the Justin Bieber movie and August Rush). I think of all the times I missed with Lucas and what he would have been like if he had lived.
ReplyDeleteWow, one week. One day sure melts into the next. You'll remember, with love, Colton at all these markers of time - and many more in your future. It's not a bad thing, it's a caring and loving tribute to him.
Lots of love - and thoughts and prayers from CO,
Lisa
Thank you for keeping us with you via this blog, Melissa and Corey. We are with you too. Much love and healing thoughts everyday. xoxo, the Russos
ReplyDeleteMelissa and Corey,
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much for sharing this. We are mourning with you and praying that you will continue to feel God's presence powerfully during your moments of despair.
I just caught up on your blog. I'm so very touched by your hearts and challenged beyond what I can even share in this post. This is the deepest possible hurt. In an earlier post, you wrote that Colton will experience perfect love from the start. I'm so blessed by the thought of this. As parents, we often fail but our Heavenly Father never fails.
Again, thank you for sharing your heart and your gifts with our church community. You are a blessing to all of us! We love you!
Pamela