4 Years Today

Dear Colton Michael,

I can't believe it has been 4 years since we held you and said good-bye.  So much has happened!  And through it all you have been in our constant thoughts!  Your big sister asks about you often and loves to cuddle your teddy bear (along with at least 3 other animals).  And your brother Harrison just said your name for the first time yesterday!  He has the sweetest smile and a laugh that lights up a room!  I can't help but see the resemblance between you two and wonder if you would have looked just like him.

I try and picture you a four year old, maybe going to pre-school.  It delights me and saddens me.  I wonder what you will look like when I see you again?  It still breaks my heart that you're not here to play catch with your little brother or fight with you little sister.  But who knows, maybe thats exactly what you're doing!  I hope so.  I hope you're banging on the piano with Harrison and getting put in tutus by your Emma Grace!  I hope you're singing "This Little Light of My" at the top of your lungs with me and sitting with your Daddy at the Mizzou football games!

We missed you among all of the kiddos at Christmas and you have a new little girl cousin that I know you would have taken great care of!  Your family is the best a kid could ask for!  We all love you so much and miss you like crazy.  We continue to be blessed by you and by The Lord.  You serve as a constant reminder for me that I have been given so much and yet I know the best is yet to come!  I love you with all my heart and I know you will always be with me.        

Until we meet again....I love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much,
Mommy

We had your wind chime engraved with "Colton Michael Webel, August 25th, 2011, Isaiah 43:2."  Its the verse that is on one of your wells.  "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

EG thought you would have like a Choo-Choo Train cake so here you go buddy!  Happy 4th Birthday.

  

New things

Hey buddy, its your dad.  I have been thinking a lot about you lately.  Right now I miss you so much.  Things with our family are so great--we live in a new town near all your grandparents, we have a great house in a great neighborhood.  Emma Grace is learning so much.  She loves playing outside, especially splashing in water and going down the slide in our backyard.  I wish you were here to play with her--I know the two of you would have had so much fun together.

Your mom and I are soon going to be welcoming your new baby brother, Harrison, into our family.  We are so excited to meet him!  I have to be honest that I am a little nervous too.  I have lots of feelings about being a daddy to a little boy, feelings that are connected to you and to the fact that I didn't get to be your daddy in the way I'd imagined. I know that holding him for the first time will remind me of holding you, and that many of his firsts will make me wonder if you would have done it that way too. The baby boy clothes we are collecting bring back memories of spending time picking out things for you, and then avoiding baby sections of stores because it hurt too much to know you wouldn't get the chance to use anything we could buy for you.  It is a little bit hard that we've already had more time with Harrison than we had with you, and he isn't due for another six weeks.

I want you to know that your mom and I love you every bit as much as we love Emma Grace and Harrison.  You are my firstborn son, and I am so proud to be your daddy.  No matter how big our family gets, there will always be a big hole where you should be.  I can't wait for the day when we will meet and our family will be back together, all of us, the way it should be.  In the meantime, we will continue to think about you, to tell your siblings about you (Emma Grace calls your teddy bear "coki bear"; she can't quite say Colton yet), and to have faith that there is a glorious end that awaits us beyond the heartaches of this place.

I love you, Colton.

Daddy

PS--For your birthday this year, your mom and I want to get you a wind chime, so that every time we hear it, we think of you.  And sometimes when you think of us, you can give it a little shake to let us know, kay? We want something very special, so be on the lookout and let us know if you see one you like!

Happy Birthday Colton Michael

Dear Colton Michael,

We can't believe it was 2 years today that we said goodbye.  So much has happened in the last year.  You would be so proud of your dad.  He got such a great job with some really wonderful people in Columbia, Missouri.  We know you never got to visit there but it is truly a lovely place to live.  Plus, all of your grandparents are just minutes away!  We are blessed beyond all measure and I think they kind of like it too.  The only missing link is you, baby boy.  Oh how we wish you were here with us.  We'd take you to so many Mizzou games and to the St. Louis Zoo and swimming at the ARC or just on some play dates with your cousins.  Oh the places we would go!  We think about you every day and pray the Lord has you wrapped tightly in His arms until we get there.  We take comfort in knowing He loves you even more than we ever could and that's saying a lot.


We made a cake just for you and shared it with your grandparents and your sweet Aunt Debbie today.  And we had a picnic for you at RB State Park.  Thanks for letting Emma Grace play with your teddy!  They are very good friends.



 You would just love your little sister to pieces!  She is very independent but she could use a loving and guiding hand like yours.  Please, watch over her. She typed this message this morning to wish you Happy Birthday.  :)

j 3 3 33333333 333333333333333                          j dd bbbbbssbbssshhk       fgfc <;  am7cbj,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

She loves to type on the keyboard like Mommy and Daddy.  She is such a fun and fascinating addition to the family.  The first thing anyone ever says when they see her is, "she has such big eyes!"  She's very smart, and just like you, she never stops moving!  We wish we could have seen you play together.  You would have been such a wonderful big brother. 

We all love you so much and miss you terribly.  Words could never express the impact you have had on each of our lives and we pray the Lord continues to use your short and beautiful life for powerful things.  We are so thankful for you and for the blessing you have been and continue to be.

Loving You Always,

Mommy and Daddy and Emma Grace

Colton's birthday

A few weeks ago we remembered the birth date of our sweet Colton. We had been thinking about this day for a few weeks, with echoes of the apprehension we were feeling last year at this time. We have such a mix of emotions; we miss our little boy so much, and at the same time, if he had been healthy, we know Emma would not be here. Sometimes it is hard to believe it even happened, like it is someone else's story. And at the same time we can remember that day and the days surrounding it so vividly.

The night before his anniversary, we cried like it was happening all over again, but once again woke up remembering how blessed we were to have had him and that he is in good hands. We couldn't give him a birthday hug or sweet kisses but we knew he was in the arms of the Lord. We wanted to do something special for Colton's day, and to start a tradition of remembering him with a birthday cake.

In the afternoon, we went on a picnic with the whole family.

As much as we were apprehensive, it turned out to be a good day. 

Emma seemed to really enjoy the outdoor time and we celebrated our being a family.

Then we came home and enjoyed a Birthday cake we had made for him. We wished he could have been there to blow out the candles and watch him get messy but instead we lit a candle and sang "This Little Light of Mine." Because he was a brilliant light in our lives that will shine on forever in our hearts.

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!
 This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! 
 This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine! 
  Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine!"

Thank you, Colton, for shining in our lives.  Loving you always, Daddy, Mommy and your sister Emma

Your little sister

Colton,

A few days ago we brought home your baby sister Emma Grace.  You inspired her middle name, as you taught us that to have a baby is to be uncommonly blessed by a grace that we do not deserve.  We continue to be blessed by you and her beyond what we could have imagined.

We think about you often these days.  Emma came to us in the same hospital where we met you, just a few rooms down.  She looks a lot like you.  She spent a little time with your teddy bear, and we imagined Teddy filling in for you in these pictures:

We love knowing that Emma's big brother will be watching her grow up from afar, and at the same time we miss you deeply and wish you could be here to welcome her in person. We are especially fond of both of you, and we know that she will be better for having and knowing about her big brother.

We love you so much,

Your mommy and daddy

Missing Colton

My Dearest Colton,

I know you know this already, but you are going to have a sister.  Her name is Emma Grace and today she is 37 weeks exactly.  I’ve been thinking a lot about you throughout this pregnancy and I'm so sorry you aren't here to share in this family event.  I know you would have been a wonderful big brother.  I know that you would have had your daddy’s compassion and love of adventure, always willing to try anything whole-heartedly.  

I know it doesn't seem fair that she is already now your big sister but I want you to know that you will always be our first child, our son, and we are so proud of you.  And no matter how many children we have they will never replace you.  You left a hand print on our hearts that can never be duplicated or covered up or forgotten.  

I want to borrow your teddy for baby Emma when she comes home from the hospital.  She would love to know her brother Colton and I promise she will.  

Here is her picture at 20 weeks.  She seems to be very healthy and happy, kicking me like crazy just like you used to do!  

We love you Colton Michael and you will always be with us, all three of us.   

All My Heart,
Your Mommy

Hope

We were in Missouri for Christmas and the New Year and although it was difficult not having Colton with us we continue to be blessed by so many friends and family members.  It's hard to let go of how we thought it would be.  Bringing Colton to church, and family Christmas, and just seeing everyone, especially ourselves, loving all over him.  But we took a lot of comfort in knowing that Colton, along with so many others that we have all lost, was celebrating the birth of Christ with the guest of honor Himself.

We may never know why Colton was taken from us so quickly but we continue to trust that the Lord is with us and will provide for our needs and strengthen us along the way.  In fact, He has blessed us once again!  Today we had a 12-week ultrasound taken of Colton's brand new, baby brother or sister..praise the Lord!  Here he or she is.  They said the baby and my blood work both looked great, and for that we are so thankful!  The ultrasound did bring back a lot of difficult memories but it also gave us great hope and another instant bond with the newest Webel nugget!  He or she will be joining us on or around July 13, and we can't wait!

Thank you all for everything and please keep this little guy or little girl in your prayers.